Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear, by Elizabeth Gilbert

I was sitting around with my husband the other night, tormenting myself over whether or not to post a particular picture on Instagram. Yes, folks, I was spending any amount of my life on that. It was so not a big deal, but I was all in my head about it, worrying about whether or not the picture was too random, or not enough of a "yoga" picture to post. I turned to my husband and said, "I just don't know what to do! I mean, is something like this allowed?" Nathan kind of chuckled, and said, "Jamie I think anything is allowed."

"Anything is allowed." Hearing those words felt like a big exhale. He was right. I had permission to post whatever the hell I wanted. And anyway, I don't even need permission: it's my Instagram. 

In one way or another though, we all seek "permission" of some kind, whether it be approval, validation, acceptance, gold stars, a pat on the back, a diploma, etc. Perhaps some of us seek a sense of permission more than others. I am one of those who seek "more." I have always been a permission-seeker, a rule-follower, a law-abider. Having always been prone to anxiety and perfectionism, rules tend to give me a sense of security and protection. When there are lines, and as long as you keep your crayon inside those lines, your picture will turn out perfectly--or at least good enough. It's insurance.

My rule-following has served me very well. I mean, it's kept me out of jail. It keeps my bills paid on time. Sure. But: it also leads to second-guessing, self-judgment, feelings of inadequacy, indecision, and a pretty strong need for approval and validation from outside sources (more education, more money, more experience, and so on). It ends me up in a panic over whether or not to post a picture on Instagram. It's silly.

In Big Magic, Elizabeth Gilbert touches on this need for permission that so many of us feel, writing, "Take your insecurities and your fears and hold them upside down by their ankles and shake yourself free of all your cumbersome ideas about what you require (and how much you need to pay) in order to become creatively legitimate. Because I'm telling you that you are already creatively legitimate, by nature of your mere existence here among us."

I loved this book. It was easy breezy reading, but made big waves in my heart. Sometimes you just need someone else to remind you that anything is allowed.