I’m reminding myself:

that fighting it only makes it stronger, gives it energy

that I won’t find any answers on the internet

that social media won’t help me make my way forward

that it will only keep me suspended in a trance of panic, envy, anger, numbness

that it’s better to leave my phone where it is in the other room, so I don’t accidentally catch another friend propagating conspiracy theories about Bill Gates and microchips

that it’s not helpful to obsess over my old job and whether I’ll be able to make a living at it ever again

that I don’t want that job anyway

that it’s important to keep my body healthy and strong with good food and active exercise

that there will come a day when there’s a reason for me to put on a sexy dress and leave the house for a dinner out

that going IN is the only way to move forward

IN is where peace resides

IN is where the rage is calmed

IN is where the fight ends

IN is where the answers lie

IN is where Truth is found

IN is where I can hear my future, calling for me

IN is where I remind myself to return to each time I find myself wandering

to the phone

to the tv

to the cookies

to the wine

to the obsessive news-checking

to the instagram trolling

to the hate-following

to the spacing out

to anything outside of IN that doesn't bring me closer to Love and Truth

to anything outside of IN that doesn’t bring me closer to my Self