Checking Out

At the start of every month, I schedule a day for myself to check-out. The goal is to give myself one day each month, unplanned and unplugged, to do whatever I want. My check-out day, in other words, is a day to regroup, recoup, and reconnect.

Sounds great, right? But I'm finding that "checking-out" is much harder than one might think. Today is my scheduled check-out day, and after making myself a cup of my morning tea, I'd intended to spend the morning reading quietly in the February gloom, but somehow I've managed to spend most of my morning torturing myself over whether or not to go to yoga, and scrolling the news, Facebook, and Instagram.

So much resistance in my attempt to spend a day "unplanned and unplugged"!

Nonetheless, I've made it out of the house. I got in my car, turned on Jeff Buckley, and sang/cried/laughed as I drove down the I-5 to San Juan Capistrano, where I sit now, at Hidden House, sipping tea, reading, and journaling with my blue-ink pen.

They're playing Fleetwood Mac, Rumors...

"It's only right that you should play the way you feel it"

...and I think about how "Dreams" is one of those perfect songs. It has meaning and style. It never gets old, and you're never bummed to hear it.

But bringing it back around:

So why did I cry, singing along to Jeff Buckley in the car this morning?

1. LOVE, obviously.
2. My voice, cracking open and out and UP.
3. Creation heals.

Creation heals. And my goodness, could our country use some healing right now.

I've been so tightly wound recently, my hands in fists, ready for a fight.

But I am not a fighter. At least not like that.

A warrior? Yes. A leader? Perhaps.

But I am not a fighter. I'm not looking to argue, or compete, or drag you down, or prove you wrong. That's not how I want to win the battle. 

I don't want to win by knocking the other side out. I want to win by winning the "other side" over. I want to get all the sides onto one side: LOVE.

I've been trying to find my place--my useful place--in the world of activism, and this morning I decided this:

I don't have to fight to be useful on the battle field. It's not my calling to fight off the bad. It's my calling to create and grow the good.

"And the songbirds are sing like they know the score,
and I love you, I love you, I love you like never before."

Make Art, Not War

Let's forget about what I want to fight, and focus on what I want to promote:

• LOVE
• GENEROUSITY
• EARTH PRESERVATION + APPRECIATION
• SELF-CARE
• KINDNESS
• COMMUNITY
• CREATIVITY + BEAUTY
• CURIOUSITY + LEARNING

E X P A N S I O N .

This is not to say that I will bury my head in the sand. It doesn't mean that I will not resist.

But.

I know where I belong, and it's in the march forward, leading with love.