Tears Are A River
“Tears are a river that take you somewhere.”
(Weddings are my favorite.)
This weekend I cried so many tears.
I cried as I watched my friend walk toward her groom, in her white dress, with the sun shining down. Behind her, the ocean rolled, vast and serene--like her love. Seeing my funny, big-hearted, hard-working, strong-willed friend make her way through one of the most vulnerable and alive moments of her life was euphoric. And Beyonce was playing, so, double whammy. I cried-laughed-cried.
(Tears of Joy)
I cried the next day, as my friends and I had to go our separate ways, to our various corners of the country. I cried in gratitude for belonging to such a crazy family of friends. I cried in deep longing to have them closer, always. Weddings and vacations are too few and far between.
(Tears of Gratitude. Tears of Longing)
And the day after that, I cried as my heart broke. I witnessed my friend say goodbye to her mother. I watched her already adapting to this new way of being in the world: being a daughter without her mother. I watched her keep her sisters close to her in their pew. I watched her sit up tall, and then crumble, and then sit up tall again...
crumble and stand and crumble and stand and crumble and stand
I cried and cried and cried.
(Tears of Loss)
Today I feel full with the experience of everything. Monumental shifts are happening in the lives of my loved ones, and I am with them. I am in the shifting. Connected. Communing, Learning to allow change. Learning to remain present for whatever life presents in any given moment. Let it in, let it go, let it in, let it go.
Questions surface, as I process it all.
Where are we headed?
What are we moving towards?
Where will out tears carry us?
The only answer is that there are no answers. This is just Life doing what Life does. Going on.