Be Light // I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends
"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born." {Anais Nin}
Happy Friday, loves! I've been embracing Southern California's "May Gray" all week, curling up in corners with a good book, hiding under a big blanket on my very comfortable couch, and drinking over-sized mugs of green tea.
It's been fabulous.
Obviously, though, there's more to real life than pretending it's January, and a lot of special, sweet, simple, and super things have been going on as well. This week, I've found LIGHT in...
Love
Over dinner on Tuesday, a very good friend sat with me and listened to my rambling and whining and wondering about all the reasons I think things aren't working out for me, in one way or another. After a good 20 minutes of ranting, I stopped to take a breath, and my very good friend took the opportunity to interject, "It sounds like you're just coming up with a lot of excuses not to do the thing you really want to do, because you're afraid. Maybe you just need to start doing things, and see what happens."
Ugh. She was so right. It was embarrassing how right she was. But also very comforting, because she could not have been so right if she had not known me so well. And she would not have said the thing that was most right, and that I least wanted to hear, if she did not love me. She could have bit her tongue, and just counted down the minutes until our whining and dining session was over. Or she could have changed the subject to something neutral and benign, so neither of us had to "go there." But she didn't. She stayed with me, let me say what was on my mind, read between the lines, and gave me honest feedback. I felt immediately exposed--and almost as quickly completely reassured, because I realized: I am not alone. I am listened to, I am known, I am loved.
Inspiration
I've been reading Tiny Beautiful Things, by Cheryl Strayed, and I have been so uplifted by it. I am inspired by the various brave souls who have written to her with their heartaches, questions, and fears. And I am especially astounded by the beauty of Cheryl's answers. Reading this collection from her advice column has given me such a sense of connection. It's a reminder to me that while each of us experiences our unique pains and triumphs, we're all in this thing together.
Grit
Pilates. Period. It's so damn hard. But it's strengthening me where I'm weakest--physically and charkrically** (omg, is that a word?! It's definitely not a word, but you're welcome)--so I'm doing it, every Tuesday and Thursday. I'm angry the whole time I'm "tucking" and "lifting," but immediately after, I feel proud to have kept my bargain with myself.
**Yes, I'm going to Pilates for "spiritual" reasons, but that's for a different blog post ;)
Humor
Maybe I shouldn't have been so very surprised, but I was when a friend of mine who is about a decade younger than me said she'd never watched Sex and the City. Not one episode. Ever. I laughed. I thought she was joking. This was impossible!... But no, it was very possible, and was startlingly true: there is a new generation of women coming up who have not been schooled in the business of life, love, and friendship by Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte.
After imploring my young friend to promise she'd start binge-watching immediately, I went home and did exactly that, starting with Season 1, Episode 1. I lay there on the couch feeling as though I was catching up with long-lost friends. Because here's the thing about Sex and the City: it was never about the sex! I mean, obviously, there's a lot of sex happening, but for me, in my twenties, watching religiously with my roommates and friends, that show shined a spotlight on the crazy importance of friendship. That is the major nugget of wisdom SATC bestowed on my journey through the twenty-somethings: Life is weird, sex is complicated, men are the very best and very worst, and the thing that will carry you through it is laughing about it with your girlfriends over Saturday morning brunch.
Thankfulness
Keeping on theme, I am so very, very grateful for my friendships. All of them. From oldest to newest, shortest to longest. I am grateful for the friendships that have tested and infuriated me. For the friendships that have challenged my assumptions and inspired me to try new things. For the friendships that have completely combusted, or slowly flickered out, or continue to burn. For the friendships that have built or burnt bridges. For the friendships that I look back on and wonder, "WTF?" And for the friendships that I count on as family. As Anais Nin wrote, "Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born." This week, as I contemplate the various blessings and great lessons of my life, I acknowledge the profound impact of each world that's been born for me, and I am ever grateful to the magnificent women and men who have communed here with me.
What makes you light?
Jamie