Be Light // Don't Hide the Madness
'Follow your inner moonlight; don't hide the madness."
{Allen Ginsberg}
Happy June! Happy full moon! Happy almost-end-of-Mercury-Retrograde!
Rollercoaster. That's how I'd describe my state-of-affairs this week. But what is there to do, but flow? What is there to do but accept what you are offered, and find a way, still, to BE LIGHT?
BE LIGHT FRIDAY: WEEKLY ROUND-UP
Love
Love is my husband, laying on the couch and watching the newest episode of Shahs of Sunset with me, because he knows I'm tired and frustrated and don't want to be alone. He keeps me company even when I'm at my grumpy worst. I don't have to hide my madness from him. And even if I tried, what's the point? He knows he married a crazy lady.
Inspiration
Peyton 'Peanut', you are my Spirit Animal. You are a kindred spirit. My soul recognizes your soul. You are dancing the hell out of that song, kid.
Grit
"Risk-taking" has never, ever been my style. I am a rule-abider, dresscode-follower, blindspot-checker, and over-planner. But I'm reading a book, Feel the Fear...And Do It Anyway, by Susan Jeffers, in which she encourages her readers to "take a risk a day."
I'm trying. What defines a "risk" for me? Anything out of my comfort-zone, or general routine. That could mean something very simple like going to a coffee shop I've never been to, rather than my usual spot, where they know my name and have my jasmine green tea waiting for me before I even make it to the front of the line to pay. Or it could mean something more dramatic, like the day I clicked the "submit" button on my registration form for a five week yoga teacher training taking place on the other side of the country. Whatever the "risk", big or small, the idea is to break patterns, take baby-steps (or sometimes giant leaps) outside my comfort zone, in order to familiarize myself to the feeling of being in unknown territory.
So, yesterday I went to a Gyrotonics class. I still have no idea what Gyrotonics is. Google it if you're curious. I'm not going to try to describe it any more than to say it's like a hybrid between interpretive dance and a pilates reformer machine. It is very different from yoga, and I spent the majority of the session feeling like I was definitely not doing anything remotely close to Gyrotonics. Still, I left that class feeling energized and happy, just for having done something that I was so silly at. And that's the key for me in all this risk-taking business: to practice embracing the unknown, the mysteries, the little surprises, and developing a sense of humor about myself.
This is how, in my own way, I am becoming a risk-taker. I think everyone should do it. Take a risk a day. Take risks like vitamins.
Humor
Let's be real: yoga photo-shoots are weird. Fun, too, but mostly weird. I mean really, trying to hold a headstand on the beach while a retired couple is walking by with their dog, and a little girl is yelling violently at a little boy for knocking down the east wing of her sandcastle, and a surfer runs by and ruins the shot...
I'm learning that, like almost everything else, my time in front of the camera is so much more rewarding when I play. Sure, ultimately I'd like to end up with a few nice photos, but when most of them turn out like this, that's success too.
Thankfulness
"If I was lying on my deathbed and I had kept this secret and never did anything about it, I would be lying there saying, "You just blew your entire life. You never dealt with yourself," and I don't want that to happen." {Caitlyn Jenner}
This week, Caitlyn Jenner broke the internet with her beautiful and brave Vanity Fair cover. There is already a lot being written and said about her transition, so I'll just cut to the chase: my experience as a witness to Caitlyn's journey is one of tremendous gratitude. "Dealing with yourself" is really hard. It's confrontational, sad, embarrassing, and at times downright scary. "Dealing with yourself" can lead to panic attacks, cookie-binges, angry-naps, and a deep need to hide under the covers.
...and...
"Dealing with yourself" can awaken your life. It can usher you into moments of complete euphoria, inexplicable laughter, and happy-tears. "Dealing with yourself" can spark a transformation so beautifully deep that your pre-dealing self becomes unrecognizable.
"Dealing with yourself" requires that you plunge into the beautiful mess of your most private truths, not knowing what you'll bring up to the surface. Most of us might prefer to do so in near-total privacy, save for the little bits of healing we may share with our very closest family and friends. This is why I am so amazed and inspired by Caitlyn Jenner, who is inviting the world to follow along on her journey. I am blessed to watch her truth unfold, and so very thankful that she is sharing her story.
We are all pretty strange, maybe crazy, definitely one-of-a-kind. How much more vibrant will the world be when more of us let our inner moonlight shine? Think about Peyton 'Peanut', dancing his heart out on those bleachers, taking a risk, telling his story.
Tell your story. Don't hide the madness.
Love,
Jamie