Romance is Essential—Hear Me Out
*NOTE: This essay first appeared in my monthly newsletter, February 2021. You can read it in its original form here. And if you’d like to have my newsletter delivered straight to your inbox, you can subscribe here. I promise to be an ideal guest at your email party: I arrive on time, leave before things get weird, and never show up uninvited.
“Keep some room in your heart for the unimaginable.”
Is romance dead?
Maybe it was all the Bridgerton I’d binged.
It could have been the vampire love stories I was reading.
Perhaps it was just in anticipation of the soon approaching (and much maligned) holiday, Valentine’s Day.
Whatever the reason, I was thinking I’d like to write a letter to you about romance, and why it is essential.
It seemed like a daunting task, though.
How was I going to convince anyone that “romance” is relevant when nearly half a million American lives have been lost in a global pandemic, millions (including myself) are out of work, and a violent mob, motivated by white supremacy and encouraged by multiple political leaders, had recently stormed the Capitol?
The truth was, when I pulled my nose out from behind my Brontë novels to assess the status of the real world, thoughts of romance seemed silly, compared to the urgent matters at hand.
Then, a poem changed everything.
(Poems can do this).
On January 20th, at the inauguration of President Joe Biden and Vice-President Kamala Harris, a 22-year-old writer from Los Angeles, graceful and vibrant, stood behind the Seal of the President of the United States of America and read a poem she’d written for the occasion.
This is not silly, I thought to myself. This is what will save us.
In just a little less than six minutes, Amanda Gorman reminded the world why poetry matters, and assured me that romance is still very much alive.
ro·mance | \ rō-ˈman(t)s
(noun)
a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love
a quality or feeling of mystery, excitement, and remoteness from everyday life
a medieval tale dealing with a hero of chivalry, of the kind common in the Romance languages
When I say Amanda Gorman’s inaugural poem is "romantic," I’m not talking about the knight-saving-the-damsel-in-distress kind of romance.
I’m talking about the "quality of mystery, excitement, and remoteness from everyday life" kind of romance.
I’m talking about soul—that aspect of us that exists beyond the daily eat-work-clean-purchase-sleep routine that so easily ensnares us.
I’m talking about the ever elusive “something more,” that keeps us aspiring, dreaming, and hoping.
I am talking about art, creation, imagination, and yes, I’m talking about love.
Romance leaves the light on.
Romance gives us something to reach for.
Romance gives us something to pull ourselves out by.
Romance serves as a guide to show others the way out as well.
Amanda Gorman gave all of this to us with her inaugural poem.
She could have given us a speech.
Other speeches were given that day, and they weren’t bad.
But they didn’t give wings to hearts across the world like Amanda’s poem did.
She gave us that “something more” we didn’t realize we needed.
She gave us romance.
The romance was in the details:
the delicate and dramatic flair of her small hands,
the resonance of her voice,
the passion and precision of her composition,
the excellence.
And in the final lines,
“There is always a light. If only we’re brave enough to see it. If only we’re brave enough to be it,”
she gave us a challenge to aim higher, to reach beyond what we see around us today—the despair, violence, loss, fear—and envision something lighter, healed, more beautiful.
It wasn’t transcripts of speeches people all over the country were buying out on Amazon the day after the inauguration.
No.
It was a poem.
Because for as desperate as we are for effective policy change and systemic reform, we are also starving for
art.
“Keep some room in your heart for the unimaginable.”
In an era when a lot of emphasis is put on what is “essential,” I implore you not to give up on the romantic details.
I'm not trying to give us all a free pass from real world work.
Rather, I believe we must make space in our lives to do both.
Each of us has our own unique brand of romance—the thing that keeps us dreaming, hoping, and reaching.
It isn’t poetry for everyone. For some it’s painting, cooking, singing, gardening, knitting, parenting, teaching…the list of creative pursuits is vast and open to interpretation.
Anything that keeps you hopeful is romance.
Anything that reminds you that all of life is not stuck in the dark, is romance.
Whatever yours is, hold it close, and keep it alive.
Your paintings, your poetry, your songs, your cupcakes, your children, your flowers, your knitted gloves are not small nothings.
They are proof of curiosity, joy, and courage.
They demonstrate a stubborn determination not to “let the bastards get you down.”
They are reminders that even in the darkest days, a light is shining somewhere.
It is up to all of us to keep it shining.
Now For A Little Romance: Some Essentials
Learn to Love Poetry: A Reading Guide for Beginners
If you've never been into poetry, but you're interested in learning how to read—and enjoy—it, this is the reading list for you! This is not a definitive guide. It is not a complete list. It's just a collection of my favorite poets and poetry anthologies...and is heavily biased towards Mary Oliver.
Recipe: Easy 4-Ingredient Rose Petal + Pistachio Chocolate Bark (v/gf)
This Easy Rose Petal and Pistachio Chocolate Bark recipe is vegan and gluten free, and only uses four ingredients. It looks pretty and tastes fancy, though, so no one would ever guess how simple it is. It’s also great for gifting. (Hint: Valentine’s Day is just around the corner!)
Playlist: When Someone Tells Me I'm Too Sensitive
Real talk: it's not always easy keeping a soft heart in a hard world. This is a collection of songs I listen to when I need a little emotional support. Songs that remind me that the coolest thing to be is "in my feelings." I guess you could say it's a playlist for romancing yourself. Stream when someone tells me i'm too sensitive for free here.