in times like these poetry feels simultaneously…
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When I chose my WORD for 2019, I didn’t anticipate the tender layers that would have to be stripped from me to reveal my most “natural” self. I wanted to live truthfully, but as it turned out, my “truth” involved a lot of loss, unresolved grief, and generational trauma.
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On an early morning in December, I lit a candle and spoke a promise out into the ether:
“I will not keep you out of my life.”
I repeated it like a mantra, over and over, to my father,
wherever he was.
As it turns out, he was right there with me, and he has been the whole time.
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I finished this book yesterday. Reading it made me feel like I was gaining some ground to stand on, during a time when I felt as if I was free-falling through the space between me and my lost father.
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I’ve been in hibernation since the last full moon, after visiting my father’s grave.
I’ve been...
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On January 19th, 1982, I lost my father.
He was 19.
I was six months old.
I wasn’t of an age to grieve.
I wasn’t of an age to mourn.
But I’ve carried the sadness with me all this time.
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I began 2018 with a lot of question marks. I felt restless, and wanted a change. The problem was, I didn't know what to change. I started a page in my journal titled "How I Want 2018 to Feel," and left it blank. I didn't know the answer.
I was antsy though, so I just started changing things, because they say that unless you change…
A year or returning.
That’s how this feels, as I inhale and exhale in a prolonged Downward Facing Dog, wondering why I spent 2018 resisting…
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I've tried it all, but none of it has really mattered as much as when I started forgiving.
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The first time I heard Dolores O’Riordan was on a mixtape a friend had given me. I was in 7th grade. I was lonely and awkward. I was a novel-reading, grunge-listening, ballet-dancing smarty pants, laying on the floor of my bedroom, headphones on, listening to the…
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I started to realize how much I really liked him the day he convinced me to skip class to go to the beach with him…
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I didn’t plan on marriage. Some girls have wedding dress dreams. I had dreams of…
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I look in the mirror and I see…
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I guess I should start by explaining that my dad isn’t my father. My biological father…
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I thought I was pretty cool when I turned Led Zeppelin on in the minivan as my mom drove me to school. I was like, “listen to this cool band I found.” I’ll never forget the look on her face…
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